Longhorn Steakhouse- A Culinary Travesty


My friend Theresa, pictured above, posing unnaturally,  called me the other day to announce she would be driving through Austin on her way to school in Dallas. She asked me if I could meet her at Longhorn Steakhouse for dinner. “Can we meet somewhere that isn’t a horrible chain restaurant?” I asked. After all, Austin has a daunting supply of restaurants that specialize in exquisite cow-based products.

But Theresa is set in her ways. We used to always meet at Starbucks, and it was years before she would order anything besides a caramel frapuccino. Years.

So I gave in.

Their menus have exciting, all-cap fonts, encouraging you to think of eating as a competitive sport. Get in there, champ.


“Theresa. do you think I’m a snob? How would you describe my attitude toward restaurants?” I asked, after we ordered.

“Anything I say will end up on your stupid blog.”

Presentation is everything. Observe the balance, the delicate dance betwixt plate, meat, and potato. Look at that flawlessly symmetrical pump of mashed potatoes. next to the slab of shiny, sticky meat.


At the end of the feeding, Theresa had consumed exactly 3 ribs, methodically dipping each one into her beloved circumference of mashed potato product.


Exhausted and looking somewhat poisoned, Theresa gave up, having not made much of a dent in her “favorite ribs.”

She left the restaurant with some of the sauce still stuck to her body.


Good to see you, old friend! I will be picking the restaurant next time.


2 thoughts on “Longhorn Steakhouse- A Culinary Travesty

  1. I never thought ribs and mashed potatoes could look so unappetizing. And chains usually do studies on how to display things don’t they? So they look pretty even if they normally taste bland?


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